Land of the Lost Illustrated Timeline at We Are The Mutants

As a life-long Land of the Lost fan, I'd been toying with the idea of putting together a timeline chronicling the arrival and exit of all the characters, and tracing the various temporal manipulations and paradoxes created by the matrix tables and pylons. Well, I finally found an "excuse" to stop toying and start timelining when the creative mind behind one of my favorite blogs 2 Warps To Neptune invited me to contribute content to his newest venture, We Are The Mutants.

I actually rewatched the series in its entirety in order to put this timeline together, and it's BIG. Too big to print. But hopefully you'll find it fun to examine and explore through the viewscreen of whatever inter-dimensional machine you use to view The Internet. I also wrote a rather longish piece on the series itself that delves into some of the shows headier concepts and plotlines (masochists can read it here).

You'd do well to bookmark We Are The Mutants, too, especially if you are a fan of Gen-X era sci-fi, fantasy, toys and tech.

Who wants to play The Death Game™ ?

It's The Death Game™, the exciting family game that transports you back to ancient Rome for a thrilling duel of sorcery and superstition between father and son!

OBJECTIVE
The Death Game pits one child player (called "Caligula") against one father player (called "Germanicus") in a battle of magic charms and witchery. Caligula must prove his worthiness on his path to divine Godhood by frightening Germanicus to death. He does this by hiding various magical artifacts for Germanicus to find. The more artifacts Germanicus uncovers, the weaker he becomes and the closer Caligula comes to winning Godhood!

DURATION
One game typically lasts several weeks.

SET UP
Before play begins, check to make sure you have all the game parts.

You should have:

• 1 naked, decaying corpse of an infant, its belly painted red, with horns tied to its forehead;

• 1 corpse of a cat with rudimentary wings growing from its back;

• 1 decapitated head with a child's severed hand in its mouth;

• 1 skull of an ass (write Dad's name on it before the game begins);

• 1 set of bloody cock feathers (not pictured);
• 1 Green Jasper Charm of Hecate.

GAMEPLAY
Germanicus begins the game in bed. Caligula must try to hide as many cursed artifacts as he can in various places around the house (for example, Caligula might hide the dead infant under a loose floor tile, or place the bloody cock feathers among the bed cushions.)

Being a very superstitious person, Germanicus must try to avoid discovering these items as he moves around the board, lest they frighten him to death. Every item that Germanicus accidentally uncovers costs him one life point. When all life points are expended, Germanicus dies and Caligula wins!

The only defense Germanicus has against the cursed artifacts is the Green Jasper Charm of Hecate, which negates their power. However, during a sleeping round, Caligula has a chance to steal the charm, leaving Germanicus defenseless.

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Okay... as much fun as this seems, there isn't really a board game. You see, The Death Game is a game played out in real life by son Caligula against father Germanicus, one of several horrific vignettes depicted in the 1970s BBC television drama I, Claudius.

Even though this was essentially a soap opera for grown ups, with lots of talking heads going on about interpersonal and political intrigue within the Roman Empire, it caught my attention as a youngster right off the bat with its eerie musical theme (by composer Wilfred Josephs) and a creepy opening sequence in which a snake slithers across the titles... uh, tiles. Both, actually.

Shot on videotape, lending it a surreal tone that I've always been drawn to (see also 70s-era Dr. Who, Land of the Lost, and Sapphire and Steel), I, Claudius depicts the decadence of Caligula in all its horror (fairly graphic for a television series of that era!)

The Death Game is among Caligula's earliest exploits, in which he enlists a grab-bag of disgusting ingredients with supernatural implications to drive his sickly and superstitious father Germanicus to an early grave.

In a later episode, an adult Caligula "cures" the persistent cough of a palace child by ordering his beheading...

I, Claudius has been released to DVD in a few different releases, including the most recent 35th Anniversary Edition.

Snowbeast (1977)

Snowbeast (1977) is a made-for-TV turkey in which hunky ski-lodge manager Tony Rill (Robert Logan), his old friend and former Olympic ski pro Gar Seberg (Bo Svenson) and wife Ellen (a silver-haired Yvette Mimieux, nearly unrecognizable from her memorable appearance as Weena in The Time Machine, 17 years earlier) take on a murderous snow yeti that's threatening to derail the annual winter carnival.

Even though it's written by Outer Limits alumni Joseph Stefano (who happened to have penned my favorite episode of that brilliant series, The Forms of Things Unknown), it's an utterly forgettable film, which makes me wonder why I still remember it after happening upon it some Saturday morning in the late 70s (no doubt broadcast on the local monster matinee show, KPHO's The World Beyond).

The yeti itself doesn't look too bad, for what you see of it, but Snowbeast's most notable aspect is its almost embarrassing resemblance to a film that came out a few years earlier and enjoyed some popularity... a little sleeper hit called Jaws. Snowbeast hits more than a few notes that will resonate with Jaws fans.

Jaws: Opens with a tourist, or "summer girl", getting killed by an unseen monster while swimming alone.

Snowbeast: Opens with a winter girl getting killed by an unseen monster while skiing alone.

Jaws: The authorities investigating the disappearance of the first victim find only partial remains, the audience seeing only a bloody arm lying on the beach.

Snowbeast: The authorities investigating the disappearance of the first victim find only partial remains, a bloody arm lying in the snow.

Jaws: The figure of authority at the beach, Mayor Larry Vaughn, denies the seriousness of the situation, so as not to cause a panic before the town's Fourth of July festivities.

Snowbeast: The figure of authority at the ski lodge, owner Carrie Rill, denies the seriousness of the situation so as not to cause a panic before the lodge's Winter Carnival.

Jaws: Fishermen catch a shark, mistakenly thinking its the one that has been doing all the killing. Protagonists Matt Hooper and Martin Brody, confident the wrong shark has been caught, want to cut it open and examine its stomach, but are denied permission.

Snowbeast: Local authorities shoot a bear, mistakenly thinking it responsible for the killings. Protagonists Gar and Ellen Seberg, confident the wrong animal has been killed, want to cut it open and examine its stomach, but are denied permission.

Jaws: The killer shark disrupts the Fourth of July celebration, causing a panic on the beach in which children and old people are stampeded.

Snowbeast: The killer yeti disrupts the Winter Carnival celebration, causing a panic in the lodge in which children and old people are stampeded.

Jaws: Determined to kill the shark, our three leads head out in a small boat to its territory, hoping to lure it out of hiding. The shark eventually severely damages the boat, stranding them.

Snowbeast: Determined to kill the yeti, our three leads head out in a small RV to its territory, hoping to lure it out of hiding. The yeti eventually severely damages the RV, stranding them.

Jaws: Forced to work around a temperamental mechanical shark that didn't often perform as expected, director Steven Spielberg used skillfully staged POV shots to imply the presence of the shark without having to actually show it.

Snowbeast: Forced to work around a mediocre yeti costume that apparently wouldn't hold up to close scrutiny, director Herb Wallerstein used POV shots to imply the presence of the yeti without having to actually show it. HOWEVER... unlike in Jaws, Snowbeast relies so heavily on these shaky-cam POV shots, you start to wonder if the yeti costume got lost in mid-production.


Here are some more fondly remembered snowbeasts...

Medusa (Land of the Lost, 1976)

With the remake of Clash of the Titans hitting theaters this week, I thought I'd revisit the place where I had my first encounter with one of the mythological monsters featured prominently in the film, the snake-haired gorgon whose evil gaze turns any living thing into stone. From a third-season episode of Land of the Lost, its Medusa.

I'm old enough to have watched Land of the Lost in its initial run, when it aired Saturday mornings from 1974 to 1976, and was a big fan. Its too bad the show is best remembered for its cheesy effects and Brady-Bunchesque family squabbling, instead of its often ambitious science fiction scenarios (time loops, alternate timelines, closed universes, and psychological monsters were frequent story elements.) Land of the Lost is one of the few shows that at least attempted to bring high-concept fantasy and dramatic storytelling to Saturday morning, even if it did so in a universe of bad video compositing, skimpy sets and rubber dinosaur puppets.

By the third and final season, Will, Holly, and new arrival Uncle Jack (he replaced dad Rick Marshall, who was written out of the series when actor Spencer Milligan declined to stay on for another season) found themselves encountering increasingly fantastic and whimsical characters and situations, including an Abominable Snowman, a Cro-Magnon man (played by Richard Kiel!), the haunted ship The Flying Dutchman, a Native-American medicine man, and yes, even the mythological monster Medusa.

As the episode begins, Will, Holly and Chaka are about to test their new canoe when a sudden swift current sends Holly down the river.

Holly is pulled to safety by a woman standing on the bank, who introduces herself as "Meddy".

Meddy takes Holly on a tour of her home, the so-called Garden of Eternity, which is decorated with several life-size statues, including a tiny praying mantis, a full-grown triceratops, and a Civil-War era soldier and cannon, whom Holly recognizes as a character from a Season 1 episode titled Downstream.

The garden is guarded by animated vines, which Meddy demonstrates by tossing a stick. The vines wrap around it like tentacles. They also envelope the gated entrance.

When Holly says that her family will be searching for her, Meddy sees an opportunity to add them all to her statue collection. She passes the time conversing with her vanity mirror, which seems to be reflecting her subconscious thoughts.

Jack, Will and Cha-Ka finally arrive at the Garden of Eternity, and stop to admire the statuary. Jack declares this statue to be of "museum quality."

Shortly, they are attacked by the animated vines, or, as Will calls them, "the salad that fights back."

Jack finally realizes that "Meddy" is actually Medusa, and that they are all in danger of becoming permanent additions to her collection. He uses Medusa's own vanity mirror to reflect her deadly gaze back into her own eyes, freezing her forever in the Garden of Eternity.




Land of the Lost is available on DVD in individual season sets, but just go for the complete series packaged in a cool vintage lunchbox, here.