Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)

2010 has been a good year for DVD releases. So far we've seen the long sought after Boris Karloff anthology horror show Thriller, 80's cyberpunk series Max Headroom, the light-weight haunted house flic Two On A Guillotine (1965), cheesy Italian Star Wars rip-off Starcrash (1978), George Pal's psychic who-dunnit drama The Power (1968), and the 1980 Saturday morning post-apocalyptic animated actioner Thundarr the Barbarian.

But perhaps most rewarding is the final arrival of the on again, off again, announced, delayed, and announced again, made-for-TV chiller Dark Night of the Scarecrow.

Originally aired in 1981 as a CBS Saturday Night Movie (a teaser ad shows up on the DVD among the extras--a thoughtful addition), Dark Night of the Scarecrow centers around 11-year old Marylee Williams (Tonya Crowe) and her mentally challenged playmate, Bubba (Larry Drake), a 37-year old man with the mind of a child.

The pair spend their days playing games and picking flowers in the fields of their rural town. But the local postman, Otis P. Hazelrigg (Charles Durning) doesn't trust Bubba, and monitors them from afar with a pair of binoculars (it's later suggested Otis's interest in young Marylee is of the unhealthy variety).

When Marylee and Bubba happen upon a lovely garden in the backyard of a neighbor's house, Marylee can't resist slipping through the fence to get a closer look, despite Bubba's warning that she shouldn't.

Bubba was right. A guard dog appears and viciously attacks the girl under the watchful eyes of garden gnome statuary.

Bubba carries the injured girl to her mother's house, pleading through tears that he didn't do it. But rumors spread quickly in a small town, and soon a makeshift posse led by Otis heads to Bubba's house to extract vigilante justice.

Meanwhile Bubba arrives home to the welcoming arms of his mother (Jocelyn Brando, who played the witch on the Darkroom episode Catnip). She tells him to play "the hiding game", and Bubba hides himself inside the scarecrow standing guard in their field.

But Otis and his posse (Lane Smith, Claude Earl Jones, and Robert F. Lyons) aren't put off for long, and open fire on the helpless Bubba.

The four stand trial, but the judge let's them off when they claim Bubba attacked them with a pitchfork and their gunfire was in self defense. Life returns to normal for the four, but not for long. A scarecrow mysteriously appears in the field of Harless Hocker (Lane Smith).

At first he thinks its his partners in crime trying to play some prank. They later decide it must be either the prosecuting attorney, or Bubba's mother, trying to stir up trouble. That night, Harliss hears a disturbance in his barn, and after climbing up to the loft to investigate, ends up falling in a thresher.

A few days later, another scarecrow appears outside the farm of Philby (Claude Earl Jones).

That night, his investigation of noises results in him getting locked in a silo and drowning in a fountain of grain.

Halloween arrives, and Otis approaches Marylee at a party to find out what she knows. Marylee claims to still be in communication with Bubba, who has told her all about how he really died.

We also get a brief glimpse of a Beistle Company Halloween decoration.

Now wondering if Bubba may still be alive, Otis and the last living member of his posse, Skeeter (Robert F. Lyons) head out to the graveyard to confirm his coffin is occupied.

Bubba's corpse is right where it should be, but Otis, suspecting the increasingly irrational Skeeter is going to do something stupid to jeopardize their "not guilty" verdict, nails him with the shovel. (A memorable detail: Skeeter's hat sticks to the shovel blade!)

Otis, having spotted Marylee on the road, chases her into a pumpkin patch, only to end up running for his life in front of a ghost-driven tractor. Can you say BEST HALLOWEEN EVER?

For a nearly 30-year old made-for-TV movie, Dark Night of the Scarecrow looks sharper on DVD than it has any right to, and besides the previously mentioned CBS Saturday Night Movie bumper, you also get a commentary track by writer J.D. Feigelson and director Frank De Felitta (among the interesting tidbits they provide is that they had to obscure the name of the graveyard, "Green Acres", at the request of CBS executives.)

I should also mention that the score by Glenn Paxton, which at times sounds like synthesizers singing playground songs, will send a shiver up your spine. Buy Dark Night of the Scarecrow here.

Beistle Skeleton Cutout Celebrity Sex Tape Scandal(?)

I usually have zero interest in celebrity gossip or scandals, and certainly have no intention of covering that kind of nonsense here in The Haunted Closet... but today I make a rare exception!

Eager to try out my spanking new $9.98 film projector, I was sorting through a dusty old box of Super-8 film reels...

...when I came across one with an intriguing title, The Girl and the Skeleton. It looks like its from the 1960s, and sounds spooky. Perhaps a Halloween-themed animated short or musical performance?

Well you can imagine my horror---HORROR---when I cued it up only to be greeted by THIS lurid image...

I've strategically blurred out certain hotspots on these screencaps, but there is nothing left to the imagination in the actual film, which was not a scary ghost story for children after all, but rather an adults-only stag loop of an anonymous young lady, not wearing a costume (...or anything else, for that matter) cavorting with a cardboard Halloween skeleton decoration.

And not just any skeleton... could it be none other than the famous Beistle Company skeleton? That innocent totem of Halloween mirth that guarded the front windows of many a trick-or-treat house, and which grinned down at me each October from the bulletin boards of every public school I ever attended?

How could this have happened? Did the pressures of fame cause Beistle skeleton to spiral downward into a cesspool of vice? Was he forced into the smut-picture racket to pay off massive gambling debts? Or perhaps the film was made surreptitiously... a blackmail attempt by an obsessive fan?

Surely he knows if this tape ever gets out, his career as Halloween decoration is finished.

Then again, on 15th or 16th aghast viewing, I'm starting to wonder if that really is the Beistle Company skeleton after all, or just some imitator?

Time for a little detective work. Using my special Crime Computer, I've generated a life-like digital model of our suspect, which I'll then position in 3-dimensions for comparison alongside his frisky doppelganger.

Hmmm...very similar, but the trained eye notices the difference in the size and shape of the breastplate and ribcage. Also, the elbow doesn't quite seem to match. But we'll need to zoom in for a closer analysis.

This confirms it. The shading in the eye sockets, the cracking on the side of the skull, and the vertebrae on the neck all confirm that this ISN'T the Beistle skeleton. Case dismissed. Beistle skeleton, how could I ever have doubted you?

FULL DISCLOSURE

I don't really have a new 8MM film projector, nor a grab-bag of film reels, nor a fancy Crime Computer. I do have a DVD player, and recently discovered The Girl and The Skeleton , (which really is just a few minutes of silent, black-and-white footage of a naked lady and a cardboard skeleton, circa 1960s), among the bonus features on Something Weird Video's The Curious Dr. Humpp (1967).

...Dr. Humpp is a low-budget Spanish-language flick that has something to do with robots, zombies, and a study in human sexual behavior, that reminded me of Ed Wood's end-of-career forays into nudie exploitation, only more competently made (and therefore, lacking Wood's jaw-dropping awfulness, slightly less entertaining).

The Haunted Mask II (Goosebumps, 1996)

Being a child of the 70s and 80s, I missed R.L. Stine's 1990s "Goosebumps" children's book series, and was completely oblivious to the Fox Kids TV series it spawned, which originally aired from 1995 to 1998.

Having since watched several episodes on DVD, I can say that the "Goosebumps" TV series, with its spooky stories based on the books (think "Tales From the Darkside" meets the ABC Weekend Specials) would have been right up my alley as a kid, although I find the quality and tone too inconsistent from episode to episode to unilaterally recommend the series as a whole.

That said, one particular episode stands out, not only for being legitimately frightening, but for managing to capture some timeless Halloween magic. It's "The Haunted Mask II". Yes, that "II" indicates this episode is a sequel, but don't be put off... all necessary exposition about the cursed Halloween mask that this story centers around is contained in "II".

Set entirely on Halloween, "The Haunted Mask II" sets the mood by showcasing plenty of trick-or-treaters in typical costumes.

And if you look closely, you'll notice that many of the houses are decorated with classic Beistle Company cut-outs, as called out below:

The story opens with grade-schooler Steve lamenting that tonight will be his last real Halloween (he worries that he may be getting too old to celebrate it next year. In a way, he's already feeling nostalgic for his own childhood while he's living it). Determined to make this last Halloween the scariest ever, he now finds the too-cute pirate costume his Mom made for him to be a bit underwhelming.

Fixated on finding the ultimate scary costume, he seeks out a mysterious novelty and mask shop with his friend Chuck.

The shop is boarded up and abandoned, but the door is open, and there are masks for the taking, including this gnarled old-man mask with a hairful of plastic spiders.

What Steve doesn't realize is that the mask comes with a curse. Wear the mask once or twice, and nothing unusual happens.

But when Steve dons the mask for a third time as he heads out for a night of trick or treating, the curse takes hold. First, Steve's voice is transformed to a low, raspy growl, that sounds normal to him, but terrifies anyone he tries to talk to. His breathing becomes labored, and he has an insatiable craving for Halloween candy.
I should note that this is not played for laughs--Steve is clearly tortured inside this stifling mask, which he can't remove no matter how much he struggles. Unable to control himself, he steals some one's trick-or-treat back and shoves candy into his mouth with a savage intensity.

The plastic spiders in the mask's hair are soon accompanied by real living spiders, crawling out of his nostrils and mouth!

Desperate, he enlists a passerby to help him remove his mask, but they can't find where the mask ends... it has become Steve's actual face!

He notices his hands have also transformed!

Meanwhile, Steve's friends Chuck, Carly Beth and Sabrina head back to the spooky old novelty shop looking for clues to help lift the curse.

What they don't see lurking in the shadows is the shopkeeper, who is having his own mask-related issues...

Lifting the curse will involve performing a midnight ritual at the graveyard... surely making this the BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!

I won't spoil the ending, other than to confirm that it leaves an opening for another sequel.

The Haunted Mask II was released to DVD, but is out of print as of this writing.