The Funhouse (1981)

I confess... I’m a “Funhouse” apologist. Seems like “The Funhouse” (1981), (which I originally saw in an edited version on TV) takes a lot of heat, especially from fans of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, who felt director Tobe Hooper had taken a huge step backwards with this admittedly mediocre little thriller.

Yes, it’s another by-the-numbers horror show featuring a group of dumb teenagers who get killed off one-by-one over the course of one night by a deformed psychopath. The four leads are forgettable, the premise (that teenagers on a double-date would decide to spend the night in the funhouse on a whim) is ridiculous, and the monster, when it comes down to it, just isn't all that scary.

So why do I always seem to find myself circling back to “The Funhouse” for one more ride?

Because what “The Funhouse” lacks in originality, it makes up for in atmosphere. Tobe Hooper obviously had a great affection for carnivals, and it shows in his attention to detail. Every aspect of the carnival depicted here is pitch-perfect, a completely believable amalgam of every element you’d ever expect or hope to find.

From the anarchy of the parking lot...

...to the main gate and ticket booth...

...the rides...

(here's something I've never actually seen in real life...the legendary "brass ring".)

The midway games, complete with crappy prizes (sharp-eyed viewers will notice a stuffed yellow banana with eyes, recently paid homage to in the comedy Adventureland)...

...and the freak tent, with its sweaty, tireless barker promising “creatures of God, not of man...they are authentic, and they are ALIVE, ALIVE, ALIVE!”

Hooper perfectly captures that delicious combination of innocent whimsy (the carousel) and depressing squalor (the shuffling tramp).

The food court, a simple canvas awning over some picnic tables.

I love the magician, Marko the Magnificent, whose disheveled appearance and apathetic demeanor suggest a tragic backstory. He methodically performs his act, swigging from his pocket flask and ignoring a heckling and unappreciative audience.

And the palm reader, Madam Zena who claims to have performed before the crowned heads of Europe. But when her temper is tested by the giggling, disrespectful kids, she drops her phony Romanian accent and warns them “Don't come back or I'll break every bone in your body!"

Finally there’s the funhouse itself. The exterior is a grab-bag of disparate decorative elements that come together in one big glorious mess…the cackling fat lady, a pirate, a Chinese dragon, skeletons, bats and spiders, and some all-American red-white-and-blue bunting.

Rather than have custom props created specifically for the film, Hooper rented actual animated figures from Animated Display Creations, Ltd., to populate his funhouse. (An interesting article about them and their involvement with this film can be found at LaffInTheDark). I’ve ridden my share of dark rides at the local fair, and the experience was like getting whisked through a very hot, dark, storage garage full of slightly defective Halloween decorations. But Hooper gives us the perfect funhouse I always imagined and hoped for. Let's take a ride!

A flash of artificial lightning gives us a glimpse of several island natives and... Humpty Dumpty?

A giant spider lunges.

Behold, the ravages of age!



This next one is on loan from Shakey's Pizza...


Give the monkey a coin. The monkey doesn't like pennies!



Werckmeister Harmonies, The Ride!

Honeycomb Cereal Ghost Stories record ("The Miser's Gold")

I used to have this Honeycomb Cereal ghost stories record (circa 1970s). The record was literally pressed into the back of the cereal box itself. You cut it out with scissors (in a square shape, no less) and plopped it on your turntable.

There were 3 possible stories (although the artwork remained the same for each variation...the only way to know which record you had was to check the record number in the bottom left corner).

I had "The Miser's Gold". Click below to listen. The other possible stories were "The Headless Horseman" and "The Hitchhiker" (you can see the tell-tale sweater still sticking out of the foot of the gravestone).



(with thanks to Scar Stuff for the rip)

The Red Balloon (1956)

With Disney/Pixar's latest animated feature "Up!" about to premier in theaters, I thought this would be the perfect time to visit another film featuring a little boy who takes flight, courtesy of a huge bouquet of colorful, helium-filled balloons.

"The Red Balloon" (1956, Albert Lamorisse) is a short French film that I originally saw on a grade-school field trip to the public library (on a double-bill with the Chuck Jones animated "The Phantom Tollbooth").

This charming little film, telling its story in just over half an hour and with very little dialog, follows a child who encounters a friendly red balloon on his way to school in the Menilmontant section of Paris.

Using carefully disguised wires and occasional camera trickery, the red balloon bobs and twists, ducks and jumps, hides and teases like a stray puppy. The simple effects hold up very well, even in this modern day of CGI magic.

This is a simple and wonderful film that every child should see. So what's an enchanting little piece like "The Red Balloon" doing in the spooky old Haunted Closet?

Because it doesn't take long for the rest of the neighborhood children to notice the little boy's special friend.

And what does any unruly mob do? Why, visit senseless violence on the object of their envy, of course.

After separating the child from his balloon, the ruthless gang throws rocks at it until a slow leak prevents it from floating to safety.

The final death blow is delivered by the Buster Brown's of some anonymous hooligan.

It's in the midst of this tragedy that various balloons from throughout the town untether themselves and float towards the boy, to comfort him.

And then its up...

...up...

and away!



"The Red Balloon" is available in a beautifully restored Janus Films/Criterion Collection DVD here.

Fantastic Planet (1973)

Fantastic Planet, a surreal piece of animation that I first became aware of when I caught scenes from it on the 1980s late-night clip-show Night Flight.

Based on a novel by Stefan Wul, and created by French director Rene Laloux, Fantastic Planet follows a society of aliens, the Draags, (whose cold, emotionless faces might send a chill up your spine) and tiny creatures called Oms, which resemble primitive humans. Tame Oms are treated as pets, playthings of the Draags, while wild Oms live in clans hidden in the alien wilderness, and are viewed as unwanted and dangerous vermin.

The Draag culture seems mostly preoccupied with meditating, which is portrayed as part yoga, part hallucinatory head-trip. A particularly vivid meditation session is pictured below.

Outside the Draags city is a surreal alien landscape that would look right at home on a 70s era prog-rock album cover.

It's not hard to imagine these trippy landscapes painted on the side of a Chevy van, en route to a Pink Floyd concert...

The film takes time out to show us the alien wilderness where the wild Oms live. It is populated with strange and dangerous wildlife.

Like this little bird that lights on an otherworldy tree-branch...

...which is actually an appendage to this larger animal that appears to be rooted to the ground like a plant. Its exoskeleton resembles a bird cage, through which it snakes its branch-like arm, trapping and shaking the little bird to death.

But it doesn't eat its prey, instead pointlessly tossing its lifeless body to the ground with a chuckle.

In a darkly humorous variation of the circle of life, this cute little creature hatches from its egg...

...and is approached by this hippo-like beast which may or may not be its mother.

After giving the newborn cutey a tongue bath...

...it gulps him right up.

This stalking creature seems content to mind its own business, methodically stepping across the sand while ignoring the pair of tiny Oms underneath.

Oms are treated as disposable among the Draags, but it seems the life of an Om has little value even among their own kind, as they use these tiny vicious biting things as a way to permanently resolve conflicts within the tribe.

Not all creatures outside the city are a threat. These little guys spin strands of material that can be used for garments.

Siren-like shrieks herald the arrival of the most terrible of all the alien animals...this large reptilian bird that is part pterodactyl and part ant-eater.

With its gaping, shovel-like maw, it digs into the Oms subterranean caves...

...and feels around for Oms with its bladder-like tongue...

It's horrible face is the thing of nightmares...

At one point, the Draags decide to implement an aggressive plan of extermination, venturing outside the city walls to wipe out the wild Oms once and for all. These Draags are leading trained Oms on leashes, tracking wild Oms, then attacking with poison gas.

Other technology at the Draags disposal are these robotic rolling spheres, decorated with the flattened corpses of dead Oms.

These rocket-like machines shine a light that kills Oms on contact.

A vacuum sucks Oms right out of their caves...

Another version of the vacuum sucks retreating Oms and impales them instantly in a toothed grate.


If you seek out Fantastic Planet on DVD (which is out of print as of this writing), go for the 35th Anniversary edition (the earlier edition DVD has the subtitles burned into the image, and they can't be shut off. The 35th Anniversary edition allows you to turn captions on or off). Normally I advocate watching foreign-language films in their native language, using subtitles. But Fantastic Planet is a rare exception--there is a certain distant sterility in the English dub performance that I think adds to the surreal experience.